='(

i hate this feeling

i miss u badly

what should i do?

i'm lost

this feeling , urm

could u plz go away

it's hurt me so much

i'm not strong

it is not easy to just forget about u

i kept on smiling at u

but trust me

u really have no idea what i feel

i hope someday i will

i will overcome this feelings toward u

right now

i just keep convince myself

everything happened for a reason

have to keep my faith in Allah

i

i miss u

and i miss u a lot

♥ ♥ ♥ 

19 JUNE 2010

dream dream dream

i dream about something that make me scared

i fall in love with him

and he also fall in love with me

we like each other

until one day he proposed me to marry him

i agreed

one day he said wanna do the medical check up

becoz he's seems sick lately

i said okie

then once he back from hospital

he said wanna marry me next week

i wonder why

he never tell me the reason

then we got marry

he seems tired but tried to hide it

that night

he hugs me and said

i wish i can hug u and never let go

i look at him and smile

he said

i'm sorry if i'm not perfect for u

i'm sorry if i have hurt u before

i'm sorry if i'm not always there for u

i'm sorry for everything

"it's okie", i said

if i'm not here anymore plz take care of urself

i looked at him

he smile

then someone come and knock the door

i walked to the door and opened it

it was his bestie

where's him?

"in the room" i said

then he shows the text msg

aku mntax maaf kalo aku ade slap dan slah ngan ko selame ny

ko knal aku dah lame

aku dah anggap ko mcam adik beradik aku sendiri

ko banyak sabar ngan perangai aku

terima kasih sangat-sangat atas segala-galanya

kalo aku dah tak ade kat dunia ni

ko jaga lar mira baek-baek

bahagiakan dia

jangan pernah tinggalkan dia

aku tak mampu nak jaga dia selepas ni

aku kena pergi dulu

masa aku dah sampai

maafkan aku

i cried and run into the room

i tried to wake him up

then i realised

he has gone

i cried and cried until i awake from that dream

OMG

ya Allah , harap2 mimpi itu x menjadi kenyataan

i'm so scared

what a day ,,

tired today

i got to find baju raya for the rest of the familia

at first , qayyum promise me to company me

but last minute he cancel it , need to be somewhere else

surprisingly i'm not mad at him

i guess i'm too tired to do so

or maybe i don't know how to get mad anymore

maybe it is the best to understand him

i guess so

continue with my story for today

as i get there i contact my bestie saff

promise to meet me at times square but sudden he's at sungai wang

as i get there , we hang around mcd sungai wang while doing muke bodo

ala , bukan makan pown >> saff said

meet is and eydan aka abg boojae and their kawan perempuan =.=''

feel kinda shy , i just silent all the way

then for sudden that girl ajak balik

and i'm like what ??

i come here nak shopping lar , x beli ape2 barang pown lagi dah ajak balik

with muke malas nak balik i said

kowang balik lar , i nak g shopping all by myself at times square

the guys did care about it and the girls seems didn't wanna know at all

whatever , i am independent 

can go shopping all by myself

after they got back with monorail , i just walked around

did buy some baju raya for the familia but it didn't complete yet

will continue my shopping raya for familia on monday as i wanna overnite at bb that night

or maybe i just buy some at south city plaza

hahaha

however can't wait on monday bcoz wanna berbuka puasa at kl sentral ! yay !!

after penat , i go to bb

i think wanna berbuka puasa there but that place was crowded

i walked back to times square and seems like oldtown pown dah penuh

thinking

nak berbuka kat mane ni , perut dah berdangdut

then i just walked to 7e , buy 2 kotak milo and take a monorail back to kl sentral

too tired until tertido in ktm , hehe >> nasib baik x terlepas

sampai hostel terus singgah kedai makan and makan ! :D

that's all

totally tiring day , 

and i wonder , bile mase plak c mafia tu nampak aku ??

aku pown x perasan dia

he can tell the whole outfit that i'm wearing

impossible to say that he's lying

hahaha

wired

my heart my soul

look outside the window and say

what did u see ??

look on the street and say

what did u see ??

the day passes without me even realized it

kinda buz with my kolej life i think

when i look outside the window , on the street

i started to think about myself

what i've done for all this years

just being me i guess

lot of things has happened

as the feeling that i hate doesn't go away

i am so lost when that feeling do come

i helpless

may god give me strength to overcome u

and maybe one day i will become stronger

insyallah

have a faith in Allah

He knows the best